This was the first song I ever heard Nanci Griffith perform. My dad was playing a tape in the car. Her name handwritten on the sticker and there was no other info. I was hooked. I was a teenager and I snuck that tape from my dad and one that had her name on one side and John Prine’s on the other. They were super charming recordings of live shows. I listened to those tapes over and over and over again. The personality, the nostalgia, the delivery, the heartache, the humor, the rambling stories, and that soul piercing voice. I was changed. I would wonder “How on earth can someone walk onstage with a guitar and a story and be so damn lovable?!” That charisma. Untouchable. A true inspiration.
People keep saying that regardless of political differences we need to pray right now. So I’m praying.
Praying that everyone has equal access to quality healthcare in a healthcare system that doesn’t cause Black, fat, and disabled people to die at disproportionate rates because of biases that lead to people receiving inadequate care. I’m praying for the families that have already lost people to this disease because the ball was fumbled and it wasn’t taken seriously. I’m praying for all of the families of people whose lives were lost to police brutality and white supremacist violence. I’m praying for the people locked in detention centers and their families. I am praying for those who have been incarcerated to be used as slave labor. I am praying for the teachers and students being sent back into buildings before it is safe. I am praying for the essential workers - grocery workers, truck drivers, people in the medical field, farmers and migrant farm workers, etc. I’m praying for the houseless and the hungry and the people who have lost their jobs and businesses and are at risk of losing their homes. I’m praying for our elderly who are all alone and scared and confused. I’m praying for the addicts who still suffer and those who stopped suffering but are suffering again, and who can’t go to in person meetings. I’m praying for the people whose mental health has suffered because of quarantine and social distancing (when it didn’t have to be this bad for this long). I’m praying for people with mobility issues (like myself) who can’t access pools and other therapies, which for many are the only places to do exercise and joyful movement without injury. I’m praying for people with risk factors that have forced them to stay isolated because other people don’t take this shit seriously. I’m praying that maybe now people will take this shit more seriously. I’m praying that people start taking the white supremacist threat and the dangers of fascism more seriously. I’m praying that people have some sort of aha moment and stop being such raging bigots. I’m praying that all the people who have fallen for absurd conspiracy theories snap out of it and come around. I’m praying for a redistribution of wealth and that there be no more billionaires. I’m praying for reparations and decolonization and abolition. I’m praying for my parents. I’m praying for the aunties. I’m praying for all the family, both blood and chosen. I’m praying for the elders and the ancestors. I’m praying for the children. I’m praying for the animals and the forests and the rivers and the seas and the air. I’m praying for climate change to be taken seriously. I’m praying for my neighbors to stop being so selfish. I’m praying that soon I can tolerate foods other than oatmeal and ham and cheese sandwiches. I’m praying that someone will slide me their HBO password on the DL. I’m praying that someday I can rollerskate again. I’m praying that music venues can survive this mess, especially DIY spaces and those not supported by corporate giants. I’m praying for calm and inner peace. I’m praying for one of those bathtubs with the little door I can step right into and sit on the little seat and fill it to my neck so I can soak without worrying about busting my ass trying to get out. I’m praying that this winter will be less gray than usual. I’m praying that Panda and I both can stop feeling so anxious all the time. I’m praying for a season two of Cheer Boys. I’m praying for Chrissy Teigan and John Legend after their pregnancy loss. I’m praying for missing Black and Indigenous women. I’m praying for the loved ones of those found dead. I’m praying for all trans and nonbinary folks to be safe and respected and not othered, especially Black trans women. I’m praying for all of Constance’s loved ones. I am praying for victims of domestic abuse. I’m praying that all the marginalized people who are suffering right now will feel some relief.
So yeah. I’m praying. I’m praying an awful lot for someone who doesn’t believe in god per se. I’m praying to the universe and the ancestors and the energy that connects us all. I’m praying for things that are slipping my mind right now because I’m pushing 50 and post menopausal and my memory isn’t what it used to be.
Am I praying for the trumps and their evil band of racist shitstains who are totally fine with letting other people suffer and die as long as they are profiting? Am I praying for them too?
Yes. Yes I am.
I’m praying that if they recover from this they are all locked up and forced to make hand sanitizer and put out forest fires for nothing but old green pennies and wooden nickels for the rest of their lives.
It’s really interesting how many men (that you don’t even know), when you write a song about being silenced and told what you are and aren’t allowed to write songs about and that you aren’t going to put up with that shit anymore, will try to silence you and tell you that you are trash and you shouldn’t have written a song about it.
It’s also interesting how many men (that you don’t even know) will accuse you of trying to ruin someone else’s life but THEY are the one naming names, when you have not explicitly named names and when you have told people who figured it out that you don’t care what they do about it because it’s not about that.
It’s also pretty interesting how many men seem to have never listened to music before and don’t realize that songwriters write songs about people and things that have happened and that if songwriters stopped writing songs about people and things that have happened there would be very few songs. And songs about people and things that have happened aren’t always about ruining someone else’s life, sometimes they are to help heal the songwriter and to help other people that may feel stuck in a bad situation and may not recognize that the tactics being used to control them are just that - tactics - and that those tactics are common.
And it’s very very interesting how men (you don’t even know) will assume that this is all about you being obsessed and being rejected and heartbroken, because they couldn’t imagine someone THEY are obsessed with liking and demanding things from someone like you - and being insatiably needy while disrespecting your boundaries, destroying your sense of self worth, attempting to gaslight your child, and making you lie to your family and friends to the point that YOU walked away from them, after trying over and over again to make the friendship work, because you couldn’t take it anymore.
It’s very very interesting how mad men get when they find out women are talking to each other.
And it’s almost comical when a dude (that you don’t even know) comments on your YouTube video naming names when you didn’t name names and saying personal stuff, that you don’t even know is true, that you never would’ve publicly said about someone because even if the person wronged you that would be super fucked up, and then the man (you don’t even know) proceeds to say you AREN’T feminist and you ARE classist for writing a song (that doesn’t name names) about a man who is far wealthier and more well known than you are, and who wouldn’t be canceled even if you tried because too many people either put him on a pedestal or gain money and/or exposure from their proximity to him. And you wouldn’t even try because having him canceled isn’t even your goal here. Healing, processing what happened, not being silenced anymore, not living under the dark cloud that inevitably makes things darker for the other people in your life, and preventing others from being hurt is all you want.
But dudes (you don’t even know) are gonna dude, so there’s nothing you can do but sit back and wait for them to call you more names and say some more mean, presumptuous, inaccurate borderline incel sounding fanboy bullshit and naming the name that you didn’t even name in the song.
Maybe they should comment on some Carole King or Gloria Gaynor videos next. Or maybe a Bon Jovi or Pat Benetar video. Or, I don’t know, maybe an Atmosphere video. Or the videos of every single one of their rap gods and heroes who have ever written diss tracks. Songwriters write songs.
Sometimes those songs are about people and things that have happened.
I’m not self righteous and I’m not perfect by any means. I don’t expect perfection from anyone but I’d like to see some real fucking effort. I have done fucked up things in my life that I will regret forever but I recognize that and that remorse helps me grow and do better. It’s fucking hard. I know that. And I don’t want an apology. I don’t care who gets dropped or cancelled. I want dudes to stop being the gatekeepers who enable abusive behavior. And in the meantime I want those gatekeepers to stop pretending that they don’t know what they know. I want to see men held accountable rather than nurtured in environments that make them think they can keep getting away with their shit. I want for scenes and spaces to be truly safe. I don’t want to make a grand public statement but I also don’t want my silence to be the reason anyone else gets hurt. I realize I can help others recognize the warning signs and to know that if he starts by putting you on a pedestal and telling you how perfect you are then flipping the script and always telling you you are too crazy or too sensitive or too triggered or that your memory of what went down was wrong or that everything has to be a total secret then there’s a great big chance he’s just fucking with your head to try to control and manipulate you and the situation and how the situation will be perceived. It’s all by the book. The more I talk to people the more I find that sooooooo many of us have had similar experiences and been told the same exact things by so many people.
Don’t ignore the red flags.
Trust your gut.
Your gut is probably right.
Enough is enough.
I look forward to the beautiful things that will eventually emerge from this shit-show.
Much love.
🖤 Kimya
***I know that there are abusers of all genders but right now the conversation is about power and the patriarchy and boys clubs and bro codes in music.
Hey everyone. You may or may not have heard that over the holidays Clyde (aka Your Heart Breaks) was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, which there is no cure for. On top of being a royal pain in the ass there a lot of expenses.
If you know me you have at least heard of Clyde. No one else has helped hold me up over the past 10+ years as much as him. At one point my old tour manager asked me about taking a band on tour that was “up and coming” and I was like “why would I do that when there is Clyde?”
He really is the best.
An amazing friend, musician, artist, animator, filmmaker, tour manager/buddy, mentor, hero, and neighbor - Clyde deserves to not feel mentally stressed and financially strained on top of feeling physically shitty.
Here is the song I recorded for Solute - the Solvents tribute album. Maybe someday I can properly articulate what this song has meant to me for the past 16 years and how it, and Jarrod, literally played a role in saving my life and inspiring me to keep making music.
That’s Katrina Hanawalt on violin and singing. Yup, the Katrina who told me to Walk Like Thunder and who picked me up every morning and drove me around and made sure I stayed fed and safe and alive in my early sobriety.
Also singing is the legend Len Enders. The first show I ever saw in Port Townsend was Len’s old band Circle of Fear. I was 19 or 20 and an instant fan.
The vocal shredding solos are Jarrod himself. We were able to sample them of off video messages from him Len had archived from the Marco Polo app. Jarrod and I had always talked about recording together. But it was never meant to happen like this.
It is a bittersweet honor to record a song by someone who means so much to me and to record it with his high school friends who also mean so much to me. He means so much to us. Being able to record this was important and meaningful. Today, instead of sitting and screaming along while Jarrod and Emily Rock this out I will be singing and playing guitar on this song with Emily and the band at Thing Festival. We practiced yesterday and I watched all the other songs get practiced too. It will be a sad, intense, and beautiful set.
It’s all still surreal. I’m sure Jarrod is floating around us in the ether saying “DUUUUUUUUUUUDES! That’s riiiiiiiiiiiippin’!” Especially seeing what a strong front woman Emily Madden has become and what a beautifully professional trio his girls are evolving into.
I like to think that somehow, somewhere he can feel all this love. He has inspired us all.
*The tribute album is free on Bandcamp and all donations will go to help Emily release the album they were almost done with - Memory Shreds.
It’s my 46th birthday today but today is also Alana Devich Cyril‘s memorial. Today is HER day. Please donate, whatever amount you can, to the infinitely important Center For Media Justice to help sustain her beloved Malkia Devich Cyril‘s vision. Malkia has inspired me since the day we met but the past year nothing has inspired or moved me more than those two’s unwavering love and power. The best gift you can give me is your support of the cause. Light a candle. Think a thought. Sing a song. Then fight, really fight, for change. ❤️✊🏾
